Relative Rapist

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During a deep conversation with a few of her close friends, I once heard my mother comment on the topic of rape. She said that she never understood how anyone could find a young child sexually attractive. I wondered about that too. What could my older cousin have found sexually attractive about me at such a young age? My mother said every single rapist should be put to death, no questions asked. But I wonder if she would feel the same if it was her nephews life on the line. Would she take my word for it and slaughter him without asking questions? No, I really don’t think she would.
And what about my grandfather? He was there when it happened. In the room below us, sleeping peacefully beside my grandmother. I’ve heard his input on the subject of child molestation many times throughout the years. He believes that any man who sexually harms a child, should have an old rusty chain run through their penis. Would my Grandfather say the same about his great nephew? Would he drag a rusty chain through his shaft without hesitation? No, I don’t think he would.
A close friend of mine from highschool spoke of the topic during a conversation about a recent news report during our senior year. A man had been convicted of rape and my friend was just as disgusted with his actions as the rest of us and she spoke up. She said he didn’t deserve to live sheltered in jail while provided with free food and an opportunity to educate himself and earn an early release. She hoped the other inmates would tear him apart for what he did. She stated that if his punishment was up to her, she would tie him up in an abandoned building and stuff his genitals in a locked vice grip. She would hand him a dull, rusty knife, drench the place in gasoline, and set it ablaze, leaving him with two options; Attempt to cut himself free via castration, or burn alive. I wonder how many of my family members could bear to watch my cousin burn alive? Honestly, I think they would save him.

Dying To Be Skinny

 

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I must not eat today
I must not eat today
I must not eat today
I must not eat today
I must not eat today
My stomach is collapsing in on itself with twisting motions
I am beautiful
My eyes fight to focus on the ceiling as it spins in horrific patterns
I am beautiful
My head thumps in rhythm with the pulsing blood in my veins
I am beautiful
My limbs fumble as I struggle to a standing position
I am beautiful
Darkness closes in around my view creating an endless, inescapable tunnel
I am beautiful
A sudden, chilling sweat moistens me from head to toe
I am beautiful
In one swift motion I crash to the ground with a thud
I am beautiful

I am dead
But I am beautiful

 

I’m Not Bisexual Because…

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I’m not bisexual because…
I’m not bisexual because I was raped when I was little
I’m not bisexual because my mother never loved me
I’m not bisexual because men make me nervous
I’m not bisexual because I like attention
I’m not bisexual because I’m confused
I’m not bisexual because I’m a slut
I AM BISEXUAL BECAUSE I WAS BORN THIS WAY AND I LOVE MYSELF THE WAY I AM.

I first started to discover my sexuality around the age of thirteen just as any other hormone flooded teen does. All of my friends had started developing crushes on boys at my school but I was slightly different. The idea of being with a female ran through my head as often as the idea of being with a male. Although many of my friends didn’t understand or support my struggle, there was one who did. A female friend of mine had been feeling the same way about her sexuality and together, we discovered ourselves with confidence. Around the age of fifteen, I met my first love; a girl. We very rarely saw each other because we lived a couple towns apart but that didn’t keep us from talking to each other everyday and falling more and more in love with each other. In the end, it didn’t work out between us, but we still stay in contact with one another.
I have only been with one other girl since then and I am currently dating a guy that I have been with for almost four years. Dating the same man for four years does not mean that I am no longer bisexual. It just means that I’m not single. I still find women sexually attractive and my boyfriend is fully supportive. There are often times we will be watching a movie, or a television show, and openly discuss the erotic appearance of an alluring actress. We are very open with each other and he understands my bisexuality is a part of who I am.
Bisexuality is a lifelong struggle that some people have trouble understanding. Many are still searching for a comfortable, secure place in a society and having someone around who loves you and supports you no matter what definitely helps. Finding our place in this world is never easy and I feel that being bisexual makes it much harder. Even harder then being gay. Both straight and gay people often shun us for our sexuality and may consider us a “fence sitter.” They may think we are just going through a phase or possibly have trouble making up our minds. This is an example of biphobia and we must learn to ignore it. No everyone can be educated to understand our ways.
As a bisexual, my love is genderless and I have the right to love anyone I want. I must show confidence and comfort in being myself. I share my story so that struggling, terrified teens have someone to relate to and confide in. Stay Strong, My Loves.